Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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