her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
