dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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