hotel room ftw
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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