Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
