8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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