im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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