i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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