i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
