We're facebook friends in real life
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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