She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
