it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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