It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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