Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
