everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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