her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
