I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
