we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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