I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
