the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
