Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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