I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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