Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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