Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you had me at cake vodka
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
