it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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