She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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