So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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