I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
