he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
