Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
