Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
