why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
