also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
