Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
