ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
