so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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