you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
