youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
