Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
