I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
