I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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