Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
