Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
