I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
