I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
