Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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