You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
