where are you?
Hypothermia
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
