Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
