my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
