Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
