At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
