I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
