I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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