Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I came so hard my ears popped.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
