I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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