It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
