I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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