I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
