Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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