He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
