You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
